Trust your gut—get the medical side sorted first
I am so sorry you and your mom are going through this. There is nothing more frustrating than feeling like a doctor is "gaslighting" you when you know something is wrong. First off, you are not overreacting. Even if a complication is technically "common," the way a medical team handles it makes all the difference in the world.
If I were in your shoes, I would prioritize a second opinion from a different medical group before jumping straight to a lawyer. Here’s why and how I’d handle it:
1. Prioritize her health with a fresh pair of eyes
When a surgeon makes a mistake or misses something, they (or their hospital) can sometimes get defensive or experience "confirmation bias," where they only see what they expect to see. Take her to a different hospital system if possible. A new doctor won't have any skin in the game and will be more likely to give you a straight answer about whether her discharge was premature or if the infection was preventable.
2. Document everything right now
While everything is fresh in your head, start a log. Write down:
- The exact time she started feeling worse.
- Who you called and what their specific response was.
- The exact words the surgeon used when being "dismissive."
- How she looked and acted versus what the discharge papers said she should feel like.
These notes are gold if you do end up speaking to a
medical malpractice attorney later.
When to call the lawyer
In the legal world, "malpractice" is a high bar to hit. It’s not just about a bad outcome; it’s about proving the doctor deviated from the "standard of care." A lawyer is going to need to see those medical records to determine if the surgeon ignored clear red flags before sending her home.
Most malpractice attorneys offer free consultations. There is no harm in calling one once your mom is stable. They can usually request the records for you and have an expert review them to see if there was actual negligence or just bad luck.
Practical tip: Request a full copy of her medical records from the first hospital immediately. You have a legal right to them, and having them in hand makes it much easier for a second doctor (or a lawyer) to see what actually happened in that operating room.
Hang in there. Focus on getting her healthy first, but don't let them make you feel crazy for questioning their care. You're being a great advocate for her!